Growing up I loved the movie Practical Magic. It might be the magic, the storytelling prowess of Alice Hoffman, having a sister. Maybe it's the soundtrack.
I've listened to that soundtrack over and over and over again. It fits perfectly with the movie and goes great on its own.
My favourite songs are the two Stevie Knicks songs. They are beautiful and real.
Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Knicks were a part of my childhood. I was not named after the song Rhiannon, though I do love people who know it because they are familiar with my name. It is less fun when they sing it to me. That mostly just feels awkward.
There's a particular lyric in particular a song off that soundtrack that I've been thinking about lately. If I ever did believe goes a little something like this:
I am feeling better generally. Mostly. Not always. There can be new fun unexpected things but mostly things are getting better.
I am trying to get back to normal. To routines. To being productive.
And I am getting stuff done. It just often feels like I'm not. Or that the things I'm getting aren't worthwhile or useful. That the days just go by and I have no idea what happened to them.
It's great working from home but it also feels unstructured and unmoored. Like I am always working but also getting nothing done. Just a long endless swath of time that I need to find something to do with.
The world cup doesn't help but I've felt this way a lot these past couple of years. My general goal is to do something, anything that is useful or productive. It helps if it's something that I really need to or ought to be working on but I will settle for whatever pops into my head and seems like it demands to be done. Clean out the cooler. Vacuum. Transfer all your old blog posts to this new website. Organize and sift through all the digital clutter that is making your head explode. Watch an hour and a half talk that is super inspiring and relates to stuff I am really interested in.
It is doing something. Over time there are things to show for it. Just not in a 9–5 structured kind of way.
I need to both try to be more efficient and focused as well as to let go of the anxiety and guilt about not doing enough.
The time will go by either way.