anxiety

A point

Me whenever I have an appointment:

I’m going to miss it, mess up, show up at the wrong time, be late.

I have one this afternoon and you can bet that I’m repeatedly checking the confirmation reminder with a lack of my belief in my capacity to appear in the right place at the specified time.

This is why I am always so early.

Anxieties about my anxiety chair

We are doing emotion chairs in Grasshopper and I was feeling a bit anxious about whether or not the geometry in the group file would work. It totally did.

I am unfailingly impressed by how I have yet to have a slacker/useless group member. The folks at SALA are all on it. To get through any of these programs you have to have it together and do your work (says girl who achieved very little grading today).

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True or false creek

I wish I was a calmer person. I sometimes joke that my goal is to be lukewarm because I'm never going to be chill.

There is one thing that without fail makes me feel calm and at peace: going for a walk by the water. It's like magic.

There is something fantastic and irresistible about water.

After hanging out with some friends tonight I decided to stroll along False Creek from Olympic Village towards where I can catch my bus past Granville Island. It's a bit of a ways but it's nice and there are only going to be so many moments in my life when I have the chance to take it in. 

It's a beautiful walk.

Starting with the Olympic Village. The fact that I will never be able to live there aside the built form is nice and quite successful.

The Seawall is Vancouver at its best. Nature, water, landscape architecture, the False Creek Ferries, towers and podiums rises on the other side. A seal. A fresh stretch of pathway with separate spaces for cyclists and pedestrians with nice benches in between.

Flowers, trees. I stop to say hi to them and gawk at how pretty they are.

Always the water. Rippling and reflecting and serene.

It makes me feel small and peaceful in that way humans really need to feel small and peaceful. When all else fails the water makes me feel calm and like it will all work itself out. It's been a hard few months. A lot of things have gone wrong all at once. No matter what I know that the water is there if I need it. For a few moments I can stroll and connect to the beauty and wonder of this world. The same way I feel when I wander the forest near my house or when I strolled up the Salisbury Craigs in Edinburgh and my troubles melted away.

There are some Buddhists who believe that nature is a religious experience. That walking in the mountains or feeling the wind on your face is the manifestation of enlightenment. Walking by the water I completely agree.