Remote islands

I never made it out to that island. I really really wanted to, my guidebook made it sound so easy and lovely but it didn’t work out.

I probably should’ve done more research but the impulsive side of me won. I was busy trying to keep up with coursework and didn’t have time to piece it together.

Excuses.

I feel stupid, like I failed, like I’m wasting time. I came all this way and I didn’t make it to that island. I decided not to go.

I swapped maybe not making it to hikes via shoddy infrequent bus service for hiding in cafes from the rain. I generally have been longing for that, wanting to sit and read. I got through 50 pages of a book on plants. All things considered it was a good day.

Still I can’t help but feel like I screwed up, like this long shot off the beaten path plan was always stupid, like I need to stop trying to do this because it just ends with me frustrated.

I’m looking out over the sea, from a harbour, wind that smell, the view of where that overly expensive early morning ferry would’ve gone. A couple hours on the water to an island.

I love these remote islands. They pull me.

As stupid as I feel I can’t deny that I love the sea.

This town is nice. It’s so cute I could pinch it’s checks. Everything I’ve eaten has been delicious and a good price.

I know I’m too hard on myself, that this is what travel means, you can’t control the weather, guidebooks aren’t always reliable. I know still I’m beating myself up instead of enjoying the break. 

If I want to travel to these remote islands I need to start driving again, an unfortunate reality of car culture. Anxiety can be worked on and overcome I just have to decide whether it’s worth it. Then there’s the matter of my back and wrist. Can they take driving? I haven’t asked that question of them since everything got bad. I do know that steering wheels are up there in thing a that prompt pain in my arm. Is it worth the time and money to work on that pain? For the mobility that comes with wheels? Rarely do I see value in autonomous vehicles but for rural transportation they seem appealing. I’d definitely take advantage.

I like the breeze and the wind. I like that I came somewhere further and different. I like this town. Maybe it’ll clear tomorrow and I can go to the volcano. I can move and do and feel like I have something to show for my travels.

Have a break

I am having a good day, other than the bit where my arm got tired and I had to deal with luggage, but that is to be expected. I got on a train, slept, I wandered around, I’m now at a cafe.

I’ve always felt good traveling by myself. Having a generous amount of time in a place, space to get bored.

I love this quiet out of the way town even if it’s too hot here.

It’s hard to believe it’s break already, the trip is winding down, the time grows short. I’m on budget, I can spend the money on food.

Traveling as a group is nice, it has its perks but it’s also something I’m bad at. I have traveled by myself a lot, I have gotten good at being on my own, being with others I don’t know about. It’s a lot harder for me than being by myself. Between freelancing and moving around and living in my own head I have spent so much time on my own terms, no compromises, no company but books and podcasts. Sometimes I think I’ve gotten too good at being by myself.

Even if it can be awkward and tiring I am enjoying the people out here. You don’t get that by yourself.