I have been asked to define my terms. What exactly do I mean by joy? Why this word?
What are it’s problems? It’s limits?
The dictionary can say one thing, as can our cultures and disciplines about how a word is used and what it means when uttered in different ways by different people for different purposes.
Is joy really that different from happiness and if so how? Is joy not just another attempt to individualize and commodify people’s desire to feel good and to be well? The Happiness industry 2.0. Or the self-care and mindfulness trend under a different guise.
Dictionary entries lead you from one word to another as sets of synonyms explain one another.
So there is what I mean when I use a word as much as what a word technically means.
Our language can be imprecise and clumsy, especially when my experiences and expectations differ from someone else’s — which they always do, the degrees shifting what is shared and what is interpreted, where the gaps are, where awkwardness and miscommunication arise.
I think what matters a lot is our intention as we select a word — consciously or unconsciously. The way we live out and use the words matters as much as their uttering or writing. The evoke a certain thing but they also guide an intention, a purpose, a way of being in the world.
Lulu Miller is weary of words and naming. I am being asked to contend with some of her concerns. But mostly I find words useful and beautiful. I look up words in the dictionary for fun, I think about what to say at important moments with care. Words are also about culture, how we make sense of the world. Their specificity, their options allow us to play and to understand. I want the world to make sense, I want to read enough things that I can feel safe and okay in the chaos. Words help me put the world in terms I can deal with, that feel both manageable and joyous, as well as daunting and scary.
I am working on accepting that my singular experience of the world is both lonely and something that I don’t need to share with another person. I don’t have to be perfectly understood to connect or share community with someone. This ineffable Rhiness will never be shared by another person. It is kind and mine alone.
But there are lots of other things I can share. There is enough overlap between us, enough shared expectations and experiences that we form rich relationships and interactions.